In my experience, many coparents struggle when one or both feel entitled to make demands of the other parent and decisions for the children. Understanding the difference between healthy and dysfunctional entitlement is crucial for successful coparenting.
Let's explore the intricacies of entitlement , examine its implications for coparenting relationships, and consider some practical strategies for promoting healthier coparenting
Recognizing Entitlement
Assertive Entitlement
There's a healthy side to entitlement in coparenting - assertive entitlement. People with this mindset understand their role in advocating for their child's well-being. They observe respectful boundaries and can confidently express their needs. This form of entitlement is adaptive and promotes an effective coparenting partnership. This translates to behaviors like:
Reasonable Expectations: Assertive coparents possess the ability to estimate what they can reasonably expect from their coparent. They understand that they have a right to expect that the other parent will make a significant contribution to shared parenting responsibilities.
Self-Assured Advocacy: They are self-assured in pursuing their needs and the well-being of their children. This doesn't mean being demanding, but rather confidently expressing their opinions and advocating for solutions that benefit everyone.
Adaptability: They are responsive to the ever-changing needs of their children. As children grow, their needs evolve, and assertive coparents can adjust their expectations and approach accordingly.
Dysfunctional Entitlement
Entitlement can also be problematic in a coparenting relationship. Dysfunctional entitlement occurs when a parent's needs predominate and are prioritized above the children's well-being. The children's needs are considered when they align with the parent's agenda.
Indications include an unwillingness to compromise, a lack of understanding and appreciation of the other coparent’s and and/or the children's perspectives, demanding behavior expecting special treatment without reciprocity, blaming others or justifying actions rather than taking responsibility, asserting exclusive control over parenting decisions, and resistance to change in coparenting agreements or routines.
Signs of dysfunctional entitlement include:
Constant Interruptions: One parent constantly interrupts discussions to press their case, disregarding the other parent's perspective.
Difficulty with Compromise: Being unwilling to find common ground on important issues, such as choice of summer camps, child care, or discipline approaches.
Unilateral Decisions: Making major choices that may significantly influence the children's lives, like education or extracurricular activities, without consulting the other parent.
Addressing Entitlement: Reciprocity is Key
While entitlement issues can be very challenging, addressing them head-on is crucial for creating a healthier coparenting dynamic. The key lies in focusing on reciprocity, the idea that both coparents are deserving of respect and consideration for their important contributions to the children’s well-being.
Shifting the Focus:
Acknowledge Roles: Acknowledge the role each parent plays in caring for and nurturing the children.
Child-Centered Approach: When entitlement arises, shift the conversation away from individual wants and prioritize what's best for the children.
Building Reciprocity:
Mutual Respect: Treat each other with respect, even during disagreements.
Shared Responsibilities: Work together to establish clear expectations for shared responsibilities.
Cooperative Decision-Making: Communicate openly and strive to find common ground on decisions related to the children.
By focusing on reciprocity and utilizing these strategies, coparents can overcome entitlement challenges and build a more collaborative relationship for the sake of their children.
Are you facing entitlement issues? Ready to tackle your coparenting challenges? Contact Coparenting Connection today for personalized guidance and support.
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